If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
