i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
