I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
