I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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