I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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