Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
