i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
