Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
