maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
