i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
