and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
