he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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