I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
