someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
