my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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