Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
