apparently the secret to your success is patron
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
