Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
