You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we made out on top of his cat.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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