just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
