Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
