Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
