I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
