Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
