Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
