i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
