After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
