how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
