the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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