Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
PANTIES FOUND
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