Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
