I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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