yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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