I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
