Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
