I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
