oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
