Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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