So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
