I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
