Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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