Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
