worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
