he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
