Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
