Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
