I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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