Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
