dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
