why do cheetos always look like penises
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
